So... it happens every year. You reach the end of an arduous and trying year, your eyes have been opened and you've realized that you have a tonne of baggage that's been weighing you down, or a bunch of practices that have been holding you back, that you need to get rid of. So, you make like O.T. Genasis and you "Cut it" all out of your life. Free at last, free at last! Thank God, Almighty, you are free at last! That is, until you get caught up with the same bad habits, negative thought patterns and toxic relationships again just two weeks into the new year. Yikes.
Don't let this be your narrative in 2020, folks.
It's the end of the year 2019 and the end of a long decade of change. You have gotten rid of the trash in your life. You've dropped the fake friends, the bad habits, the toxic relationships, the self-pity, the self-doubt, the self-sabotage, and the list goes on. (And if you haven't yet, you may currently be preparing to do so.) Let me first take this opportunity to say how proud I am of you making these BOSS moves. These changes are never easy to make. They take strength, courage, confidence and hard work; all noble qualities that you possess. Keep going, soldier! The self-improvement is always worth it. It always pays off.
But, beware. Temptations will run high. Memories and insecurities will come flooding back. Bad days will work against you. But, whatever you do, stand firm.
Don't fall into the trap of running back to the same toxic relationships that made you miserable just because you begin to feel moments of loneliness or because your memory conveniently only rehashes the times they "weren't so bad". Don't fall into the trap of resorting to limiting yourself because fear keeps whispering to you that you will never be able to get this done. Don't keep allowing others, even family, to dictate your destiny. And definitely do not let bad days alter your focus or cause you to throw in the towel.
Moving Forward
So here's how to make sure that you keep the negativity you're trying to get rid of, out of your life and stay focused on your goals in this upcoming year:
Make a "TO DON'T" list. - Make a list of all the things that you want to avoid doing. You may include in the list exactly why you want to avoid doing these things to serve as a proper deterrent. You can keep this list on your phone, stuck up in your room, set as your laptop home screen wallpaper or wherever you think it will be best accessible and visible so that it can serve as a reminder of the outcomes you really do not want.
Set clear boundaries. (For others and for yourself) - Once you know what your limits are (what you will and won't do), you have to start communicating these limits to all relevant parties. For example, if you decided to no longer allow your mother to project her fears and insecurities onto you, you will need to explain to her that while you appreciate her opinions and suggestions, you are your own individual with autonomy and you are taking full ownership and responsibility of your own life and will be making the decisions that you believe are best for yourself. Believe it or not, you will also need to set boundaries with yourself. For example, if your goal is to not eat so much sugar this year, maybe you shouldn't take a trip to the icecream parlour after your high carb dinner just to see what new flavours they have (trust me, it's a trap).
Take it one step at a time, making a commitment to honour your commitment at each step. Baby steps, people. Baby steps. Just like Rome wasn't built in a day, we can't master decluttering our lives, healing, setting boundaries and staying focused all at once or even in any short space of time. This is not a one time decision that carries over into eternity. This is a decision you will have to commit to and honour every day. As we Christians say, yesterday's anointing is not enough to carry you through today. Each day you have to refuel and refocus.
Don't be so hard on yourself. - We all make a mess of things sometimes, even when we have the best plans outlined and the best intentions. To err is human. So practice self-compassion, take a moment to regroup and get back to business. The road to success/ self-actualisation/ healing/ finding and fulfilling your purpose is neither straight nor smooth anyway.
As we enter this new decade, equipped with all the good sense we picked up from all the lessons learned thanks to all of the bad decisions we made and unfortunate circumstances we endured in this last decade, I trust that we got this. 2020, here we come!
Wishing you an exciting and a prosperous new year! - Cherie Amour
